Today is June 5. It has been over 6 weeks since the show closed. I have put off--over and over again--writing some sort of final summation or wrap up of this experience...I've found it almost impossible. At first, in the week or 10 days or so after the show closed, I was waiting for the "dust to settle" so to speak--I didn't want to be too emotional and have that cloud the memory of the experience. I rode a high for at least a week. Then, the second week: bleak, grey, boring. Then, the production party was wonderful! It was amazing and happy to see everyone again. Then, we went on vacation. Then, when we came back--the show seemed so far away! And now, 6 weeks later, here I am: Itchy to write and think about Les Mis and resistant to it all at the same time.
Here is what I can honestly say after being practically without speech for 6 weeks: I feel that my work on Les Mis was the culmination of everything that I've learned up to this point: story-telling, blocking, working with actors, taking control, having a vision and articulating it, seeing the big picture, delegating, taking responsibility for the project. This story worked it's way through me, and I had to use everything that I knew to make it come alive. It sounds like a terrible cliche, but how gratifying to strain and stretch and sweat and bleed and because of that--actually GET THERE! I did not shy away from grunt work or tedious work. It had to be done, so I did it. Of that, I am very proud because that is not my usual way. I am particularly proud of that because in the beginning of this process, I actively looked for people to lean on--to blunt my responsibility, to dissipate it. I'm not exactly sure how or when I became comfortable enough or brave enough to realize that I could actually carry the whole responsibility, but I know now that I worked hard, as hard as I've ever worked on anything..and that makes me SO proud of myself.
Now, here is still something that makes me feel...shy? I still can't quite take it in. The show, our show was beautiful. Really, really. I caught little flashes and snippets as I watched and as I talked to people: friends, audience members, acquaintances (Just tonight, actually!) It moved people. The passion, power, commitment, grit with which my actors told the story came from me. Holy Crap. I set the bar. I framed the story. I created an environment in which people could risk. I collaborated and trusted them and in turn, they leaped off cliffs for me--all for the benefit of the story. My design team: we collaborated, listened, talked, listened some more and together created an integrated, evocative, seamless design for the world of Les Mis.
This probably sounds like a lot of "horn tooting" It's not. I am really just trying to understand what we did. It's almost too much to understand. I am selfishly focusing on my piece, partly so it doesn't slip away; partly so that I can remember that I accomplished this; partly so i can believe that the person who did this work is still inside me! I think that was the hardest part--letting go of that intensely creative mind-set. I miss it! I miss talking to actors, doing research, constantly thinking about tweaking stage pictures or movement. It's a highly intuitive and creative way to think and I like living there. In the week or so after the show, I could feel it leaking out of me...awful, sad and made for some grim days.
I spoke to some of my cast about this phenomenon. The idea that as community theatre folk, we have other jobs and responsibilities that tend to take precedence over our creative lives. And how wonderful it is to give ourselves permission to say, "Oh, I have to let the laundry go because I need to prep for rehearsal" or "I need to think about this." and then actually sit and think without anything else taking priority! I think that's one reason I enjoyed writing this blog so much! Writing makes me think, and thinking makes me want to write!
I've been thinking about the word "fallow" a lot lately. My brain truly feels like an empty squash most of the time, and I am going to be okay with that. I haven't used up my creative juice, I'm just re-charging...fallow. Waiting for the next bit of juice or idea to come along and jump start me again. That's part of why I forced my self to sit and write this tonight. True recharging can only happen if all of the pieces are in place. I have to know and understand what I did, so that I can put it to rest and let myself go fallow until the next time.
My love and gratitude for all of the people that I worked with so closely is vast and unending: Stephen, Martin, Jane, Sean, Todd, Freda, Cheri, Tom, Andy, Lyn, Debbie Dot, Suzanne, Connie, Mary, Belinda, Ted, Tim...all of the backstage crews and techies who built and moved and worked and hemmed and distressed. I am so humbled and grateful that you put yourself in my hands for this show. What an honor and a privilege. Words are truly inadequate to express my gratitude to all of you.
I will never forget the emotional roller coaster of this show: the exhaustion of casting, the joy, the anticipation, the queer "click" when you know some piece of stage business is just right, the sheer thrill of a happy audience, the silliness, the tequila!, the pleasure of discovering and using talents and skills to their fullest, the tattoo! the shared laughter, the bravery of actors, the willingness of people to do what has to be done--no matter how long it takes, the faces and bodies of actors in a story, the deep satisfaction when you can see that you've actually accomplished what you set out to do....
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Friday, April 11, 2014
Smatterings...
Tonight was the opening of our second weekend. The show was sold out--literally, from wall to wall not a seat was left. The audience was quiet to start with, but from my vantage point in the balcony, on the edge of their seats. What a gratifying experience. It is difficult to describe, difficult to assimilate, difficult to process, but so lovely to feel! People are moved by our show, and that is AWESOME!
As I watched from different places in the house--standing because there were no seats--I can sense the cast spreading out and filling the spaces in each scene. (What an incredible opportunity to be able to do this show two weekends!) They continue to feel their way through the story and to adjust appropriately. There were a few minor technical glitches tonight--but even so, no one lost focus or pulled out of the story.
It's wonderful to be able to chat and unwind with these smart, creative and thoughful people. I enjoy spending time with all of them...and I especially enjoy hearing their perspective about what's happening on-stage. The silliness, the saves, the near-misses, the comraderie, the hand on the back--they are really beautiful inside and out. I am so lucky to have crossed paths with every one of them!
We have another 4 shows in 48 hours coming up. It's brutal. Exhausting: emotionally, physically, creatively....I will try to gather people into the moment. Remind them that that is where their power is...staying with the story. I think we'll be fine until Sunday. Bloody Sunday!
Back to...
The Barricades!
xo
Kelly
As I watched from different places in the house--standing because there were no seats--I can sense the cast spreading out and filling the spaces in each scene. (What an incredible opportunity to be able to do this show two weekends!) They continue to feel their way through the story and to adjust appropriately. There were a few minor technical glitches tonight--but even so, no one lost focus or pulled out of the story.
It's wonderful to be able to chat and unwind with these smart, creative and thoughful people. I enjoy spending time with all of them...and I especially enjoy hearing their perspective about what's happening on-stage. The silliness, the saves, the near-misses, the comraderie, the hand on the back--they are really beautiful inside and out. I am so lucky to have crossed paths with every one of them!
We have another 4 shows in 48 hours coming up. It's brutal. Exhausting: emotionally, physically, creatively....I will try to gather people into the moment. Remind them that that is where their power is...staying with the story. I think we'll be fine until Sunday. Bloody Sunday!
Back to...
The Barricades!
xo
Kelly
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
To the storytellers!
Today we return to the Flynn for our brush up rehearsal. We are running through the show with full set, props and sound set-up--no costumes and no make-up--for the specific purpose of "freshening" things up before we re-open on Thursday. Fight call will happen; we will tech Mark's fly again, and make sure that Abby's hair/wig combo is secure. I will check spacing and business as the cast and crews run through their on stage work. Sean will double check the timing of his cue calling. Cheri and Tom will talk with Jeremy about the projection cues and where they need to be tightened up. Corey will continue to work on mic cues and mix. All of the familiar procedures and pre-show business will happen on the same schedule that we have grown accustomed to since last week-end.
Returning to the security of the structure and the story that we built feels like a tremendous relief: the storm of emotions from the weekend has left me drained and exhausted. Don't get me wrong! I am beyond happy....I don't really have words to describe the flood of feelings: joy and pride that our concept works so beautifully; fierce pride in the work of my cast; humble gratitude for the "buy in" of the crews; more gratitude for my design teams' trust and vision...I've looked at 1000s of photos of the show, of the party, of backstage shenanigans (Oh yes!), and what I see is beauty, joy, commitment, ownership, camaraderie, honest pride and love. I also saw the show 4 times this weekend, and was blown away by how beautiful it is. The carefully crafted moments are working! The lights, the projections, the costumes, the make-up, the sets, the movement--all are so beautifully integrated. My cast and crews are hitting their marks and telling their story and I can hardly take it in. Really, I can't. I hope to take more in this weekend--to really see things and appreciate details in a calmer and more right-brained way....I'll try anyway!
We--Lyric Theatre--don't have a lot of experience doing two weekend shows. The "old-timers" do, but most of the cast/crew is too young to remember when that was standard. How to prep them? How to lead them and make them feel confident and present in THESE moments of story telling? It's so easy to get knocked off kilter by the accolades that we have received. I want to shake them up a bit and remind them of what they have done and can do again. I want to remind them of why they were picked to do this show and to be in this cast. Doing that will get them to the frame of mind that best delivers this story...This "brush-up" rehearsal isn't in place to refresh and remember the business or the stage work; it's in place to remind the cast and crews of who they are, to center them and refresh them, to clear away the debris of moments that are now in the past, and to break away from the hypnotic siren songs of praise...
Having real work to do makes me feel so much better! It's hard to stay present with praise. I really don't know how--other than to say thank you to the person offering it. Getting back to "center", feeling grounded and open--that's where I want to be and where I want my cast to be.
To the storytellers!
xo
Kelly
Returning to the security of the structure and the story that we built feels like a tremendous relief: the storm of emotions from the weekend has left me drained and exhausted. Don't get me wrong! I am beyond happy....I don't really have words to describe the flood of feelings: joy and pride that our concept works so beautifully; fierce pride in the work of my cast; humble gratitude for the "buy in" of the crews; more gratitude for my design teams' trust and vision...I've looked at 1000s of photos of the show, of the party, of backstage shenanigans (Oh yes!), and what I see is beauty, joy, commitment, ownership, camaraderie, honest pride and love. I also saw the show 4 times this weekend, and was blown away by how beautiful it is. The carefully crafted moments are working! The lights, the projections, the costumes, the make-up, the sets, the movement--all are so beautifully integrated. My cast and crews are hitting their marks and telling their story and I can hardly take it in. Really, I can't. I hope to take more in this weekend--to really see things and appreciate details in a calmer and more right-brained way....I'll try anyway!
We--Lyric Theatre--don't have a lot of experience doing two weekend shows. The "old-timers" do, but most of the cast/crew is too young to remember when that was standard. How to prep them? How to lead them and make them feel confident and present in THESE moments of story telling? It's so easy to get knocked off kilter by the accolades that we have received. I want to shake them up a bit and remind them of what they have done and can do again. I want to remind them of why they were picked to do this show and to be in this cast. Doing that will get them to the frame of mind that best delivers this story...This "brush-up" rehearsal isn't in place to refresh and remember the business or the stage work; it's in place to remind the cast and crews of who they are, to center them and refresh them, to clear away the debris of moments that are now in the past, and to break away from the hypnotic siren songs of praise...
Having real work to do makes me feel so much better! It's hard to stay present with praise. I really don't know how--other than to say thank you to the person offering it. Getting back to "center", feeling grounded and open--that's where I want to be and where I want my cast to be.
To the storytellers!
xo
Kelly
Monday, April 7, 2014
Hit your marks, tell your story!
What an opening! What an incredible experience to sit in the house and listen to the audience hold their collective breath, to hear them gasp and cheer and cry as our story unfolded. It was amazing, joyful and stunning--overwhelming. We had a standing ovation at the end of Act 1! Unbelieveable!
WE have 5 more shows to do--Thursday through Sunday of this week, and I think, I know it will be equally wonderful. My cast is so solid and ready to be present in each moment as it is happening. They appreciate all the details and support each other even more than I guessed or knew. The crews are equally tuned in and strive for perfection. There is a sense of comraderie and teamwork back-stage as the show unfolds--it really is something special. Everyone feels owenership, pride and a sense of responsibility to do their best...Not to be perfect, but to be the best that they can be: To hit their marks, tell their story, solve their problem. There is a remarkable sense of clarity about what their job is, and everyone feels equal to the task.
AMAZING!
Resting for now, but soon...
TO THE BARRICADES!
Kelly
WE have 5 more shows to do--Thursday through Sunday of this week, and I think, I know it will be equally wonderful. My cast is so solid and ready to be present in each moment as it is happening. They appreciate all the details and support each other even more than I guessed or knew. The crews are equally tuned in and strive for perfection. There is a sense of comraderie and teamwork back-stage as the show unfolds--it really is something special. Everyone feels owenership, pride and a sense of responsibility to do their best...Not to be perfect, but to be the best that they can be: To hit their marks, tell their story, solve their problem. There is a remarkable sense of clarity about what their job is, and everyone feels equal to the task.
AMAZING!
Resting for now, but soon...
TO THE BARRICADES!
Kelly
Friday, April 4, 2014
BIG FEELS!!!
(Yesterday)
Today is our final dress rehearsal before we open. It's almost too overwhelming to think about...how do you end a process like this? I really don't know. I suspect that it's a transition to another phase, but I'm not sure what the other phase is. I am so looking forward to the cast having an audience. I'm looking forward to hearing the audience respond, although I think I have some centering to do around that. I don't want to rely on the audience for validation--although it is certainly a huge piece, their emotional response, their applause and discussions after. I want my feelings of success to be separate from that though, and that feels difficult right now. I don't know how to get there.
My cast is buzzing and happy. My crew heads and designers are settling in, trouble-shooting and keeping calm amidst the chaos. It's truly an amazing feat that we are pulling off here! When I try and pull my thoughts together to prepare to speak to my cast I get very weepy. I guess that is a good thing!
Okay, we're starting. Hard to type in the dark.
Oh My. Ian is pulling out all stops. WTF! He is magnificent! Look...IT'S JEAN VALJEAN!
NO more notes! This story is alive and unfolding before my eyes!
(Today)
Today is Opening. Holy Crap. I've sent my last set of notes to my fabulous crew. Cast members are buzzing on FB. I am so excited to have an audience and to feel the show! Oh How Glorious it will be!! The energy will be electrifying.
I feel good, finally. Peaceful and excited. The show is in their hands. There will probably always be tiny tech things that will need to be adjusted--it'll take the crew time to feel their way through things, but even with that-things are solid. Now to see how my cast takes the audience. It will be so interesting!!
I want to talk about gratitude. I am so incredibly grateful to everyone who put their blood, sweat and tears into this project. What an honor to be trusted with this story and this production...No words. Just lots and lots of joyful tears!
Here we go...
TO THE BARRICADES!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kelly
Today is our final dress rehearsal before we open. It's almost too overwhelming to think about...how do you end a process like this? I really don't know. I suspect that it's a transition to another phase, but I'm not sure what the other phase is. I am so looking forward to the cast having an audience. I'm looking forward to hearing the audience respond, although I think I have some centering to do around that. I don't want to rely on the audience for validation--although it is certainly a huge piece, their emotional response, their applause and discussions after. I want my feelings of success to be separate from that though, and that feels difficult right now. I don't know how to get there.
My cast is buzzing and happy. My crew heads and designers are settling in, trouble-shooting and keeping calm amidst the chaos. It's truly an amazing feat that we are pulling off here! When I try and pull my thoughts together to prepare to speak to my cast I get very weepy. I guess that is a good thing!
Okay, we're starting. Hard to type in the dark.
Oh My. Ian is pulling out all stops. WTF! He is magnificent! Look...IT'S JEAN VALJEAN!
NO more notes! This story is alive and unfolding before my eyes!
(Today)
Today is Opening. Holy Crap. I've sent my last set of notes to my fabulous crew. Cast members are buzzing on FB. I am so excited to have an audience and to feel the show! Oh How Glorious it will be!! The energy will be electrifying.
I feel good, finally. Peaceful and excited. The show is in their hands. There will probably always be tiny tech things that will need to be adjusted--it'll take the crew time to feel their way through things, but even with that-things are solid. Now to see how my cast takes the audience. It will be so interesting!!
I want to talk about gratitude. I am so incredibly grateful to everyone who put their blood, sweat and tears into this project. What an honor to be trusted with this story and this production...No words. Just lots and lots of joyful tears!
Here we go...
TO THE BARRICADES!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kelly
Monday, March 31, 2014
Tech, Day 2
Today, Monday, is Day 2 of our super tech weekend. I am taking a quick dinner break after working on cues with Andy, Tom and Cheri. We started about 9AM, and it's about 4:45PM. Everything is moving along very smoothly--it's just a monstrous show. Lots of atmospheric light cues, moving parts, projection changes, set movements that crews are still learning. We started yesterday about 9AM, with cast arriving for mic set up at 11AM. One of our cast members tweeted about 5PM: You know it's tech when it's 5PM and Fantine is still alive." HA! So, it 's been a very loooong weekend. I think that I've logged about 48 hours since Friday!
One of the things we've been talking about is how tech might change with our new production facility. Having the barricade in the space for the last 5 weeks has been an invaluable assistance to getting our cast more ready than they have ever been for a tech. The next evolution will be to get the crews to that space and get them practicing. The possibilities are really amazing. We were able to fly Mark, work on set pieces and have props weeks ahead of schedule. Imagine how that could affect designers and techs if they knew they could practice/run with crews/actors ahead of our scheduled time at the Flynn?? If I were to do this again, I would build in time for crews to practice and run with the show in the rehearsal space for at least a week before move-in.
The show looks absolutely gorgeous! The projections and stage pictures are beautiful by themselves, but when we add the cast in--it just pops in the most amazing way. It really is breath-taking....and we haven't even seen the costumes, yet! It's a beautiful design concept all the way around: props, lights, sets, costumes...very excited to see it all together. That should happen Wednesday and Thursday.
I'm still giving notes to actors and I plan to until Wednesday evening. There are moments that are still not quite right, and I want them to be. I'll warn them ahead of time! Notes a'coming!
Alright. Off I go--back to the theatre!
It's 5PM. Actors and crew arriving as I write...I can see them through the window! Kountry Kart Deli is having a great night!
To the Barricades!
One of the things we've been talking about is how tech might change with our new production facility. Having the barricade in the space for the last 5 weeks has been an invaluable assistance to getting our cast more ready than they have ever been for a tech. The next evolution will be to get the crews to that space and get them practicing. The possibilities are really amazing. We were able to fly Mark, work on set pieces and have props weeks ahead of schedule. Imagine how that could affect designers and techs if they knew they could practice/run with crews/actors ahead of our scheduled time at the Flynn?? If I were to do this again, I would build in time for crews to practice and run with the show in the rehearsal space for at least a week before move-in.
The show looks absolutely gorgeous! The projections and stage pictures are beautiful by themselves, but when we add the cast in--it just pops in the most amazing way. It really is breath-taking....and we haven't even seen the costumes, yet! It's a beautiful design concept all the way around: props, lights, sets, costumes...very excited to see it all together. That should happen Wednesday and Thursday.
I'm still giving notes to actors and I plan to until Wednesday evening. There are moments that are still not quite right, and I want them to be. I'll warn them ahead of time! Notes a'coming!
Alright. Off I go--back to the theatre!
It's 5PM. Actors and crew arriving as I write...I can see them through the window! Kountry Kart Deli is having a great night!
To the Barricades!
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Gotta get my ducks in a row!
Here we are! Tech weekend approaches. We had our final rehearsal in the reheasal hall tonight. I cancelled rehearsal Friday because everything is so solid. A day of rest will be a thing of beauty for all of us--not to mention keeping the plague at bay.
The truck is coming tomorrow night, and will be unloaded at the Flynn on Friday morning. The set, props and set dec crews will re-assemble the set in the performance space for most of Friday and possibly into Saturday morning--although Cheri is pretty confident that they will be done on Friday afternoon. Lights will be focusing on Thursday and Friday nights, and starting to build cues for tech on Friday and Saturday nights. Tom, our projection TD, will be bringing the projector up to it's home on Thursday night and "fooling around" on Thursday and Friday, into Saturday and Sunday. AT some point on Friday night, Tom and Andy will be ready to start working lights and projections together. My job will be to refresh my memory of all the timing for cues that I wanted when we first talked about this way back in January! I will be spending a lot of time at the Flynn! My view of the show has been--necessarily--tightly focused on the actors. Now, I need to widen my view and help my team add the technical elements in the way that we had originally conceived. It's a grueling shift and I'll need to be much more procedural than I am when working with cast. I already know that there are going to be blocking changes in the sewers for both Ian and Bob. You may remember from previous posts--that kind of thinking takes its toll on me much faster than intuitive, playing, exploring and "what if?" kinds of thinking.
I gotta get my ducks in a row!
To the Barricades!
KAK
The truck is coming tomorrow night, and will be unloaded at the Flynn on Friday morning. The set, props and set dec crews will re-assemble the set in the performance space for most of Friday and possibly into Saturday morning--although Cheri is pretty confident that they will be done on Friday afternoon. Lights will be focusing on Thursday and Friday nights, and starting to build cues for tech on Friday and Saturday nights. Tom, our projection TD, will be bringing the projector up to it's home on Thursday night and "fooling around" on Thursday and Friday, into Saturday and Sunday. AT some point on Friday night, Tom and Andy will be ready to start working lights and projections together. My job will be to refresh my memory of all the timing for cues that I wanted when we first talked about this way back in January! I will be spending a lot of time at the Flynn! My view of the show has been--necessarily--tightly focused on the actors. Now, I need to widen my view and help my team add the technical elements in the way that we had originally conceived. It's a grueling shift and I'll need to be much more procedural than I am when working with cast. I already know that there are going to be blocking changes in the sewers for both Ian and Bob. You may remember from previous posts--that kind of thinking takes its toll on me much faster than intuitive, playing, exploring and "what if?" kinds of thinking.
I gotta get my ducks in a row!
To the Barricades!
KAK
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