Post rehearsal, Monday, 1/20. We are finishing up our 2nd? 3rd? week of rehearsal--the days fly by in a blur of preparation, meetings and rehearsals. I have a sense of being haphazardly mounted on a galloping, straining run-away beast! On the one hand, I have my e-mail open 24/7 for news and updates from my stage managers, designers and crew-heads...We were so closely in contact before rehearsals started that I feel out-of-touch! I worry that I've missed a critical clarification point or note about specific blocking that is going to require a special prop, or a quick change, or a different placement of a set piece. My list of things to do tomorrow includes combing through my most recent blocking plans and comparing them with the latest props list for any updates or changes. I owe it to my hard-working crew chiefs and designers to be absolutely sure and certain of what I am asking them to find, make and build! Also, it feels like a nagging, loose thread if I am not absolutely certain of who has what prop and how each prop is going to be used.
And on the other hand, my cast is...amazing. I am astonished at both their collective and individual story-telling abilities. I give them the most basic blocking-simple patterns, suggestions about how to move, the background story--and they make it come alive. They do homework, practice their music and come prepared to every rehearsal. They think. They pretend. They imagine. Even with books in hand, they are straining to invest themselves and tell the story...and so, so quickly! We have had 10? 12? rehearsals. We are almost through with basic blocking for Act 1, and I hope to be through Act 2 by mid-February. Again, I have this sense of a beast, barely in check, straining at the leash, wanting to be let loose. It's exhilarating! The energy, the raw power of this group is something special...and I am working hard to get us to a point that we can start shaping it and using it to drive the story.
I'm reminded of something that I wrote earlier in this process: "I just want to get out of the way and let the story rip." I think, I hope...I think that that is happening. I think I am successfully walking the fine line between being prepared and creating a dialogue with my actors...not either/or, but both...being prepared enough to be able have a dialogue--even with a group of actors. I hope so....I have to guess that I am, because I there's no way to get that kind of feed-back in rehearsal. Most of my actors SEEM satisfied when they leave. Most seem to have their questions answered, and seem engaged and energized when they are in rehearsal. I'll have to take that as feedback and stop worrying about it. It almost seems like it's directing itself!
I am constantly juggling two things: the tasks of a director and the endless questioning of my own inner critic. Sometimes I confuse the two... I often hear myself say "Is that right?" in reference to blocking or actor movement or focus or counts of music...I have people to help me get it "right". I need to focus on "Is it true?" The bottom line is that it's my "truth" that shapes the story, and that is what I have to focus on as I harness the power of this amazing BEAST!
To the Barricades!
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